I then ask her “what are you thankful for?” She doesn’t quite get it. Finally I say “What do you thank God for?”

Without hesitation, she say’s “My sister”.

I’m immediately reminded of the quote which says: “To the world you may only be one person, but to one person you may be the world”.

I am grateful first, that God considered my childhood prayers to have a “little sister”. Then He considered me worthy and capable of the privilege and responsibility of the love and challenges of having and “being the world” to a “Special” sister who would be “my little sister” perpetually.

There are times when I feel baffled and even hurt and cheated that my life has not taken the “normal” course and series of life events.  Then at others, I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude that He chose me to walk this journey of total reliance and service to Him and HIS/our children.

I am grateful for, more than I could ever birth from my womb, so many beautiful young people God has birthed in my heart.  Some have brought great “labor” pains, others postpartum depression, a few financial pinches, but ALL, at some point, a sense of connectedness, laughter and purpose.

During times when we find it difficult to embrace the world, and when the world does not embrace us as we would desire, we must find and embrace that one to whom we mean the world–even if at that time it seems to be God and God alone –and there are some days when you may even question that.

Be cognizant and grateful for who and what you are in the world, because whether we’re “feeling it” or not, we ARE!

To all “my chiren” who have allowed me to embrace you,  I love you more than you know; and to my “village” family who have embraced me thank you!

Have a heartfelt day of gratitude!

I accidentally locked myself out after letting the dog in so I sat on my patio furniture and decided to just enjoy the sunshine and view while waiting for someone to stroll by on the walkway below.

I finally heard the sound of the landscaper approaching with the mower, but I guess just before he got within my view he turned around.  I then look up in the opposite directionand see another worker clipping the ground cover plants–a real cutie pie.  I call him over and he says “No Ingles; hold on”.

To make a long story a LITTLE shorter, his friend no habla Ingles mucho mas. They walk away and no one returns.  Meanwhile my dog is “fussing” at me through the sliding glass door.

Finally the first guy comes back to continue clippling.  I ask him “Call la oficina?”  He says ¿Qué desea usted que preguntar? (what do you want me to ask them?)
Demonstrating a key-turning movement I can only think of the spanish word for  closed so I tell him “OPEN la puerta!!”  He says “Este?” I say “Si!!!!!”  and he walks away again.

Finally in a few minutes the property manager opens my front door with a big grin on his face!  *o*  After walking over and opening the sliding door we both have a good laugh and as I go to ask him the word for opened it immediately flows effortlessly from my lips “Abierto”!

So never forget if you get locked out in a Spanish-speaking only environment the phrase is “Abra la puerta”  And don’t forget to say “por favor y gracias” (Please and thank you).  *o*

Overall, I consider my “time out” a God-given “micro-mini retreat” as it’s a gorgeous day outside, and how often do we really sit down and take in the beauty of what He’s blessed us with? Another benefit of this “outing” is it gave me something to blog about that didn’t take a whole lot of thought or time!

So remind yourself to find the benefits in unanticipated/uncontrollable  “time-outs” you may encounter. 

Now on to something productive–LUNCH!  (:  ♥

Hearts & Blessings!

1. Me waking up in the morning smelling coffee and bacon in the kitchen, tip-toeing to the closed kitchen door in my footed pajamas and knocking as I opened it and him saying “Who that coming through that door” and my response “Mee!” “Me Who?” “Meeee!” as I peeked then swung the door open ran in the kitchen into his arms for a hug and a kiss. I sat down to the plate of biscuits and Karo syrup, scrambled eggs and bacon he prepared for me as he poured his coffee from his cup into the saucer and sipped it, and we would “chat” until it was time for him to get ready for work. He carried me in his arms downstairs to my godparent’s apartment to stay until my mother would get in from her graveyard shift at the hospital and get some rest.

2. Waiting for him to get home from work to see what he he’d brought me home in his black lunch pail—usually a bag of Cheetoes.  Then sitting on his lap after dinner as he sat on the couch watching television, and rocked me singing “Go to Sleepy Little Baby” and my saying “do it again; do it again” then after several rounds him saying “Baby, Daddy’s tired” as he was about to doze off himself.

3. Being carried to the car before daylight on a Saturday morning for an all day fishing trip during which I’d sleep, eat, drink, play and listen to music all day long, and occasionally catch a fish.

Even with my parents not being together, there was my godfather, Mr. Moore, who lived downstairs and whom I spent a lot of time with. This was a gentle giant of a man whom, on some weekday evenings and Saturdays I followed around the apartment building as he did the landscaping and made repairs inside the apartment units. I learned a lot from hanging out with him, not knowing that one day those lessons would be prove to be vital to my survival in a life of singleness. On Sunday mornings we walked to Sunday school, stopping by the store on the way, to buy Lifesavers. After Sunday School I’d sit between him and my godmother and he and I would share Lifesavers and finger games during church service (his hands were the biggest hands I’d ever seen in my life). Sometimes my godmother would give us a disapproving but loving eye to let us know that our “playing” in Church was getting out of hand–literally . On Sunday nights we ate ice cream together and listened to church services on the radio.

At one point I was blessed to have yet even a third father in my life, as my younger sister’s father became a very loving and positive presence in my life. Strangely enough both he and my father were unwavering in their demonstration of pure love for both me and my sister. I was proud to boast that we shared the same first and middle initials “E.L.”; and He gave me my nickname “Swee’Pea”. He also gave me my very first camera, record player and albums!  (Three things which remain an integral part of my life today—wow, hadn’t even thought about that before now).

During adolescence I lost two of these fathers–one to death and one to marriage to a woman other than my mother. Shortly after my father’s passing I met my best friend in Jr. High School and her father immediately became a father role in my life, always encouraging and expecting the best of me academically and character-wise. He always remembered my birthday and special accomplishments, each one being acknowledged with cards with a little “spending money” inside.

 Unfortunately, in my mid twenties I also lost both of my “godfathers” within a relatively short period of time. Having taken time off work to attend my godfathers’ funerals a co-worker jokingly told me “Your godfather must be a cat with nine lives” 

 As I look back on it, I realize that it was some time after that I began to experience bouts of depression, through which I didn’t began to break through until I was prompted by a very sweet and effective therapist that I’d not yet grieved my father’s death or more appropriately, fathers’ deaths.

Until I was about 40 years old, I would find myself feeling strangely “not well” on Fathers’ Day. Even then it took some time for me to become conscious of what was really going on—wow. It was about this time that I “adopted” my pastor’s father, Ed “Dad” Huddleston (which I share in detail in my memoir). Interestingly it turns out he was also known by some as “Buddy Boy”.

I now had a “Dad” again. He lived out of town, and I didn’t see him often. However when he showed up at church unexpected one Fathers’ Day I squealed in delight and cried like a BABY! Although he had seven children (including three daughters) of his own I felt as loved as if I had been his own. Calling him on the phone, I loved hearing the voice on the other end always answer “God bless you”. I’d say “Hey Papa” to which he’d respond “Is this my daughter?” to which I’d respond “Yes”, feeling like that three year old at the kitchen door.

We’d laugh and talk about anything and everything, but most of all the love of God. This was the most loving, loveable, wise and wittiest men I’ve known. The first week of this year would be the last time “Daddy’s Girl” would hear that voice as “Dad” too passed away on January 8th. When I start to feel sad at the loss of my dads I also look at how I’ve been blessed many times over in my life with such caring, loving, protective men who never once abused me verbally, physically, sexually or emotionally, and taught me my self worth—something that not many women can profess.

I also realize how having caring father figures in my life have enabled me to establish and maintain a loving and trusting relationship with my spiritual Father. I’m so grateful to not know any better than to think that my Father will feed and nurture me, carry me, rock me, give me the desires of my heart, laugh and talk with me, bless me, and be proud of me being His Girl. Although I sorely miss each one of my “Daddys” and I have now joined the village of “elders” myself, I can honestly say and believe that I am still and will always be “Daddy’s Girl”

[Check back for pictures posted later]

Without true love we just exist, Alfie.
Until you find the love you’ve missed you’re nothing, Alfie.
When you walk let your heart lead the way
and you’ll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie.

Wow..for as many years and as many times as I’ve heard this song I don’t recall hearing those words, but I guess my heart did and that’s why it brought them to consciousness.

There have been many days when I’ve really felt like I was just existing, then  I received that call, visit or invite from someone who took the time to let me know that they loved me and that my existence and presence was important to them. 

A friend and colleague jokingly says that I came into the world expecting it to be a “love fest” and have spent my  years healing from the disappointment.  I tend to agree with him; and although I have my days, I’m basically still perplexed, hurt and angered by the general “unloving” words and acts of behavior by and towards others and often feel like an alien.

 Growing up, I was told by my mother that I was too sensitive and needed to stop wearing my feelings on my sleeves.  As an adult, I’ve often wondered “is it just me?” as my heart has cringed listening to and  watching  the world stressfully move about focusing on things they “have to do” and superficially or callously rushing past or over one another with little or no acknowledgement- -not to mention the treatment towards our children, youth and elderly.

After hearing many references made to the book “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, I finally read it a couple of weeks ago.  In doing so, I learned a few things about myself and the discrepancies in my expressive and receptive languages of love, which if not monitored, can easily “overdraw” my love bank account.

 However, as I realize and acknowledge who I can truly “bank on” I am assured that through the secured loan and “overdraft protection” of God’s love, that my love account won’t ever be permanently closed out- -just a few “Insufficient Funds” notices here and there between deposits.

Today, the balance in my love bank has compounded interest from deposits in all five of the love languages, and it feels good to know that at least today I can “pay it  forward”  in fulfilling my life purpose, because THAT’s what it’s all about Alfie–  LOVE!   ♥

Unfortunately, most of the conversation surrounding the topic is the very reason most people who are subjected to such behaviors don’t speak up!

 As a child/youth advocate and therapist I believe that a lot of the rage, violence and substance abuse we see in our young people- -especially young males- – is related to the silence of being a victim/survivor of sexual abuse.

It seems to be our human nature when we witness or hear something we are not prepared to face, to immediately jump to conclusions, become defensive,  take sides, point fingers, and pass judgment. 

How could someone who has been emotionally and physically violated, and probably already in a state of disbelief  and conflict, self-blame and confusion , reach out for help knowing that he/she or the person  in whom their trust has already been betrayed may be further damaged.

“Break The Silence” is a 2-DVD set of an interview between myself and Dan Smith, Author and Motivational Speaker who discloses his experience of abuse and the impact it has had in his life.

 Dan shares how refusing to remain silent can empower survivors of childhood trauma (emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse) can begin to break through feelings of confusion, guilt and shame, and tap into and develop one’s inner strengths, enabling them to walk in fulfillment of their life’s purpose.purchase your copy today visit:  http://www.forachildsheart.org/Products.html

I think of all the days/times in the past couple of months I’ve had some “note-worthy” experiences and told myself “now this is something to blog about”, but then told myself  “it ’s too complicated to put into words” (really meaning it would take too long) then went on to something else.

We’ve all heard the motivational “how to”  messages about overcoming procrastination, etc.; we’ve also heard messages about controlling “impulsive” behaviors; and then there’s the good ol’ “time management” message.  Most times when we’re struggling with these issues the key factors are:

1. Does the “proposed activity” bring me satisfaction/enjoyment?

2. How much personal benefit is there in the outcome?

3a. What’s most important right now?

  b.  What’s most important in MY LIFE right now?

If you’re like me , even when the answers to #1 and #2 are “Yes” unfortunately, the answer to #3a overrides the former, and is usually based upon someone else’s expectations, needs or wants  – -to do or not to do”. 

Because our lives are so filled with the demands of society few of us are willing to venture outside of societal norms- -even for a few minutes– to ask and respond to #3b.

I believe that it’s crucial to take good care of our hearts, not only physically, but emotionally as well.  One of my favorite scriptures says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” [Proverbs 13:12-NIV]  Which brings me to my core message “follow your heart”.

As the “Heart Lady”, one of my greatest joys and desires is to bring warmth into the hearts of others, to consciously stir it up, and keep it afire within on a daily basis.  I believe that if  we were all in tune to and in alignment with our hearts, society/the world would be so much better for it. 

So in my taking these few minutes to, as the Nike slogan says ”just do it”, I’ve followed my heart.  I wasn’t even quite sure what I was going to write when I began, however, if I had waited and thought about it (allowed the mind/head to make the decision for me) you wouldn’t be reading this right now. 

Are you glad I followed my heart and not my head? Has my doing so made a difference for you today? 

What is it in your heart that you need to stop and “just do it”? 

Hearts & Blessings!

Ms. E

Today I attended the second production of a stage play written by a young woman who’s 34 years old. When she first wrote the script about 5 years ago she asked me to read it and give her my feedback. To watch the evolution and manifestation of her vision just made me feel sooo proud!I told her I know this is her “baby” and I feel like it’s my “godbaby”!  (:  

When I left the theatre I had a voice mail from another friend who told me go to YouTube and view the trailer or the soon to be released film adaptation of her audio book which was released last year!  I had the privilege of also witnessing the conception and birth of this vision as well.

 In the shared excitement of  these young women’s dreams coming true amidst the toil and tears, faith and perseverance, my heart is singing “With God, all things are possible” and “Dreams DO come True”! 

Subsequently, and again “I Have A(nother) Dream”!  In 2011 I will host the very first “Talk to MsE” event:  “Follow Your Heart to Live Your Dreams” an event  which will inspire others by showcasing the awesome “dreams come true” of everyday people who have the courage, faith, and strength to follow their hearts!  So Look for it!

 Princess, Shyla and Lisa, I am so excited for and proud of you!  Congratulations and thank you for keeping the dream alive!

 Happy Hearts and Happy Dreams!  ♥

Aside from the fact that it brings us our first Pre-Summer holiday, on which we get to celebrate outdoors with good food,  it is the birthday of my most loved musician, healer, performing artist and vessel of  harmony, love, truth  on this earth: STEVIE WONDER!  Everybody say YEAH!  *o* Believe it or not, this year “Little” Stevie Wonder is turning 60 years old!  Amazing! and WONDERFUL! 

Secondly, May is National Foster Care Month in the U.S. which brings attention to the status of the 500,000 children in our nation who are living without of a permanent family to call their own/to call them their own.  I’ve also dedicated this time to CELEBRATE the lives and achievements of many of these youth who continue to defy the odds of the negative circumstances, stereotypes, and predictions set against them, and those who care for them.  This annual event is called “ Foster Pride”  and this year will be held on Saturday, 5/22.  See the website of For A Child’s H.E.A.R.T., Inc. for more details.

And last but not least, May is National Mental Health Awareness Month.  As a mental health professional, I consider myself a “wounded healer” having  also faced the challenges of depression throughout my adulthood.  I have grave concern and compassion for the numerous people  whose symptoms of emotional and mental disorders often go  undiagnosed, misdiagnosed and treated- -many times in isolation and/or humiliation.  The current  status of our national economy has had and is having an even more profound impact on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health of our nation.  As a “village” we need to have a greater awareness, sensitivity to the issues our family, children and neighbors may face and how to respond to them in a positive and caring manner.

So…all that said, please stay tuned in to see what else I, and others may have to say on these topics; and please share your responses as well.

Hearts, Blessings and Wonder Love!  (:  <3